Tales of Being Hit On

Elsa recently reached the docks of the village she was supposed to arrive at: Berk. According to Hiccup, it was 12 days north of Hopeless and few degrees south of Freezing to death and currently located on the Meridian of Misery.

Well, at least if I was still a miserable little mess, I could have run away here. This place understands me. Elsa lightly chuckled at her sudden dark humor.

But honestly, Elsa did think that Berk looked like a quiet, decent village. She knew that Berk had fishing, hunting, and a charming view of sunsets. But currently, she was rather interested in the domestication of animals. While she and Anna wanted something like a dog or cat, they never realized that dragons could be tamed as pets.

And right on cue, a pudgy brown dragon with very tiny wings hovered right in front of her. Elsa's bodyguard raised up his sword, but Elsa ordered him to stand down. Elsa noticed that the dragon, which she thought looked impossible to be aerodynamic, was looking at a rock lying next to her. So Elsa picked up the rock and the dragon happily ate it. Elsa smiled when the dragon allowed her to pet it.

It's kind of cute in an ugly sort of way.

Elsa eventually walked around for a bit until she found the man she was looking for: Chief Stoick the Vast. Stoick was a large, bearded, intimidating looking Viking but his eyes showed his competency as leader. The kind of leader that Elsa wished to be someday.

"Ah Queen of Arendelle," he said. "It is an honor to the Isle of Berk."

Elsa curtseyed. "The honor is all mine." To be honest, she preferred the company of village leaders and chiefs of humble territories compared to the nobility of the big kingdoms. The chiefs didn't give Elsa the need to find Anna and make her punch them in the face.

"Shall, we begin the trade negotiations?" Elsa asked.

"Yes yes. Come this way," Stoick said as he turned and went toward his house. Elsa saw Astrid riding her dragon but the dragon rider didn't notice her.

Oh well, I'll talk to her later when the meeting is over

However, one dragon rider DID see Elsa: young, fairly muscular Viking male who had ram horns on his helmet.

Astrid was currently feeding Stormfly cooked chicken until the Viking male ran up to her.

"Astrid? Astrid?" he panted.

"Yes Snotlout?"

"Who was that girl?"

"What girl?"

Snotlout described the girl: fair skin, whitish blonde hair, blue gown, and Stoick called her a queen.

So unless it was all a horrible coincidence, Astrid knew who he was talking about, "Oh you must mean Queen Elsa of Arendelle. Yeah Hiccup and I know her."

Now Snotlout was intrigued. "Elsa, huh? A good sounding name for a good looking dame."

"Uhhh… yeah"

"I'm serious," Snotlout explained. "Just give me a few seconds and she'll be swept off her feet because of me."

Astrid couldn't help but try to stifle a laugh.

"And what makes you so sure that I can't, Astrid?"

Well other than the fact that he had no chance, Astrid decided to count the ways, "First off, she's older than you."

"So? I don't mind a cougar."

After she almost threw up three days' worth of food, Astrid was faced with a dilemma. On one hand, Snotlout would no longer try to woo her. But on the other hand, she would feel horrible if Snotlout tried to charm Elsa with his sleaze ball ways.

Selflessness won out, "That's just one reason, Snotlout. She's also smarter than you. She's more mature than you. She's more responsible than you. She's neater than you. She's more tolerable to be around than you…"

Astrid gave every detail on why the pairing Elslout (nice huh?) would never work.

This explanation lasted for over two hours.

And Astrid STILL wasn't finishing counting the reason, "…She doesn't make bodily noises when she eats like you do. She's less stubborn than you. She was never suspended from school unlike you. She's cleaner than you. She's…"

"Alright! Alright!" Snotlout said. "But Astrid, just because she's not perfect like me doesn't mean anything. I'm not picky."

Astrid always did wonder if Snotlout's existence proved that the phrase "in one ear and out the other" could be literal. However, Hiccup, for whatever reason, considered Snotlout a valuable member of the Academy, so no matter how much she wanted it to happen, she couldn't exactly let Snotlout get himself injured because he bothered a girl that could freeze him in a block of ice.

So, ever the Good Samaritan, Astrid gave the most critical reason why Snotlout should not try, "Snotlout there's something you should know. Elsa has this ability where she can summon…"

"Jeez Astrid," the arrogant boy snapped. "I think I know what your problem is. You're totally jealous! You're nervous that Elsa is going to go gaga over me and you want to keep me all too yourself."

If looks could kill, Astrid's face could have even give the most hardened madman the sweet preference of oblivion.

"I mean, I can't help it, Astrid," Snotlout continued. "I'm sadly not a one woman Viking."

"You know what?" Astrid deadpanned. "I wish you luck on your attempt to ask her out."

"Yes!" Snotlout exclaimed though he wondered why he would ever need Astrid's blessing. "Here I come, Elsa. You won't know what hit you."

Snotlout walked back to the village while Astrid and Stormfly stared at each other.

"Idiot." Astrid muttered. Stormfly nodded in agreement.

It was turning out to be a great day for Elsa. She explored a new land. She met dragons who were not as scary as she thought, and she also had gotten the trade agreement.

"The partnership of Arendelle and Berk shall be unbreakable. Good day, Your Majesty," Stoick's words echoed in her head.

Elsa ordered the guard to go back to the ship. After all, the people of Berk were friendly. And the dragons were friendly. And it's not like she couldn't defend herself. So under her orders, the guard did as told.

The Snow Queen spent a few minutes walking through the village and taking in the sights. She heard some of the locals that the cold was rather bothersome this year, not that Elsa would have known. She saw two fraternal twins, a brother and sister, head-butt each other for some reason she probably wouldn't have understood.

But her tranquility was one hundred percent ruined when someone shouted for her. "Elsa! Hey!"

Elsa turned around to see a young Viking.

"Oh.. umm. Hello," Elsa curtseyed a bit in confusion. It's not every day that someone not Anna spoke so casually to her. "I'm sorry I don't believe we ever met."

"The name's Snotlout," the Viking teen said. "The toughest warrior in Berk!"

Wow, people here do have weird names here Elsa thought. "Well Snotlout, it is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance."

"Of course it is," Snotlout said in arrogance. "If you're not too busy, how 'bout you and me spend a night in the town"

Wait… is he asking me on a date? Because he's kind of annoying

Then again, someone actually finds me attractive enough to court. And he's not using it for political power. But he could be just trying to get another notch on his bed post…

It doesn't matter. So far, he's not coming off as being my type

"I'm sincerely flattered," Elsa said. "But…"

Snotlout ignored the would-be rejection. "Come on, it'll be fun. I'll flex my muscles for you."

Elsa was dumbfounded, "What?"

Maybe I should be thankful for locking myself up in my room during my teen years.

"I can raze rocks with my dragon as we ride it."

How is that a turn on? Elsa's thoughts were getting more and more panicked? It didn't help that her face and body language were showing signs of discomfort. "That won't be necessary," she nervously said.

But the idiot still wasn't listening, "I can tell you brave battle stories where I killed dragons… you know before Berk allied with them."

Maybe it was a bad idea to leave Anna back at Arendelle. She would love punching this guy. He's thinking with his head and it's obviously not the head that houses the brain. I wish someone would help me.

Elsa was getting more and desperate to get away from this idiot. Bits of frost were starting to form on her fingertips. She needed to get out of here. "You don't have to do…"

Still thinking with his "other" head, Snotlout kept trying to woo her. "Oh I get it. You're one of those chicks who prefer having their man whisper sweet nothings to you." He moved closer to Elsa. "Well I can do that… baby."

Damnit! Why did I give the guard the rest of the day off? Elsa was getting closer to having an anxiety attack. She did not like this boy. She saw ice form around the grass. But Snotlout was too enthralled to notice the damn ice. The perverted moron just simply won't take no for an answer.

Great. The ONE TIME I want to scare someone off with my powers, he's too busy staring at my chest to notice.

Trying to keep all of her emotions bottled, she tried to let him down easily and quickly as possible so that she can get away from him. "S—Snotlout? I'm sure that you're a decent young man. And I'm sure you will find a woman who will like you the way you want her to like you. But that perfect girl… is not me."

Please Please PLEASE go away now!

Sadly he didn't. "Come on, babe. You may resist now, but you'll be putty in my hands when I tell you that I can do this..."

He whispered something into Elsa's ear.

And that something was the anvil that broke the camel's back.

Elsa screamed in a combination of fear, rage, and ice. "NO, YOU DISGUSTING PIG!"

Astrid was still taking care of Stormfly. Her spikes were sharpened. Her belly was full of chicken. Astrid couldn't wait to see the look on Hiccup's face when Stormfly outraced Toothless.

However, her thoughts were cut off when she began to shiver. "What the… What's with the sudden drop in temperature? As if it wasn't cold enough as it is…." She came to the realization. "Oh no…. that dumbass..."

Astrid saw Elsa walking towards her. She looked completely sad and drained of energy as she held herself in her arms.

"Hi Astrid," the queen said sullenly.

Astrid moved the bang that was covering her eye so she could see Elsa better, "Hi Elsa… that was you, wasn't it?"

Elsa sadly nodded.

"Snotlout was getting under your skin with his rancid pickup lines?"

Elsa nodded again. "I had my share of poor suitors throw themselves at me. But none as deplorable as your friend."

"He's less than a friend and more like a fellow inmate in a cell," Astrid smirked.

Elsa wasn't laughing though. "I may have… encased him… in block of ice. Which slid down a hill…. and into the ocean… and his head may still be face down in the water."

"I'll get him," Astrid explained. "And then we'll use his dragon to thaw him out of the ice. And since he has a big mouth, I think he can hold his breath so we won't worry about him drowning."

Elsa finally smiled. "You have my gratitude."

"No problem," Astrid smiled back. "But next time, just kick him in the groin. He'll get the message much faster… I think."

Elsa giggled. "I'll keep that in mind." But another thing dawned upon the Snow Queen. "I just hope Chief Stoick doesn't cancel the trade agreement when he learns what I've done to his greatest warrior."

Astrid gave her a catlike smirk. "Knowing Stoick, he'll give you a better bargain in the deal."

And the two young women had a heartfelt laugh.